


He hates red

by Phantomxlegend



Series: Percy Jackson one-shots :p [74]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Blood, Crying, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I really think this is my darkest Will angst, M/M, Trigger Warnings, Whump, Will Whump, a little comfort in the end, breakdowns, disassociation?, mentions of cutting, themes of depression, will angst, will comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25460287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantomxlegend/pseuds/Phantomxlegend
Summary: Will wants to feel something, anything really.  Even pain.TRIGGER WARNINGS:Mentions of cutting, blood, themes of depression, breakdowns, disassociation maybe?
Relationships: Kayla Knowles & Will Solace, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace
Series: Percy Jackson one-shots :p [74]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701808
Comments: 8
Kudos: 131





	He hates red

**Author's Note:**

> I have no reason why I wrote this. Well kinda do. This is probably the darkest fic I’ve written in a long time, hence the teen and up rating. I don’t actually know how bad it is but I personally think it is bad.  
> Please enjoy with caution.
> 
> As said above, TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> Mentions of cutting, blood, themes of depression, breakdowns.  
> Please stay safe.

Red.

Will wasn't much of a fan of the color. No reason behind why. He just didn’t like it.

Now it was pooling from his arms, dripping onto the floor in a haphazard rhythm. Will watched with a sick fascination as the color spread along the floor.

It was an ugly color.

He blinked emotionlessly, tracing more lines on his arms. They didn’t feel anything. They didn’t sting. Will knew they should but he couldn’t wrap his brain around why.

Everything seemed to be through a haze of water, slow and melodic but at the same time frightening and lonely. 

He didn’t hear the dripping on the floor but he held his arms out in front of him, his elbows resting on his knees. He watched it drip.

It should have worried him. How much of it. It didn’t.

There was a clatter and sluggishly looked down at the scalpel that had slipped from his hands. His head felt full of mud.

Why doesn’t it hurt?

He stared ahead at the pool of red.

Such an ugly color it is. 

He let out a slow breath and tilted his head to the side. He was tired. That’s all. His stomach did flips of nausea but that was it. Nothing else.

No tears fell. No words were uttered. No dry sobs.

He stared straight ahead, watching the color drip down. He didn’t think there were any sounds. He couldn’t hear any.

He didn‘t move.

A part of him tried to think, he should be worried. How much was gone? There was so much blood. So much color. So much of that horrible color. 

His thoughts never came, so he stared straight ahead. 

Will wondered absently why there was no pain. He was mortal. He felt pain. Yet it didn’t come. He was tempted to trace more lines. Anything to give pain, to chase away the groggy numbness that settled over him like a weighted sheet. 

But the energy to do that never came.

He took a slow breath.

A bright light flickered on. Will didn’t realize he was sitting in the dark. He was used to the darkness anyway. His mind gave plenty of that.

A muffled shout. He didn’t understand what it was saying. He saw a hand grab his arm, above where the blood spilled out. He didn’t feel it though.

There was another shout, closer this time but still seeming too far away to understand. Will blinked but didn’t react. There was red everywhere.

“—WILL!” 

It was a familiar voice but he didn’t recognize who it was. Another hand pressed to his neck. Feeling his pulse the way he’s done many times before.

He wondered if his pulse was still there, he didn’t feel it.

The hand moved to cup his cheek.

“Please!” He could understand the panic in the voice, “oh my gods!”

There was another voice further away. It was too far. 

Will blinked dully. 

Red. Will hated that color. 

“Get Chiron!”

Will finally felt the first jolt of pain. It wasn’t from his arms though, there was a stiffness in his back he never realized was there before. The stinging started slowly, uncomfortably slowly.

“Will oh my gods,” a trembling hand reached to cup his cheek, “Austin get the bandages!”

A soft groan made its way from Will’s throat. His stomach churned harder.

“Hey, you’re okay! You’re okay,” the voice was trembling, breaking with tears.

There were bandages now. There was so much red. Will recalled jerking away from the touch.

“Please Will, it’s okay.”

He didn’t jerk away again. 

The bandages were already stained red. The hands pressed harder, trying to stop the bleeding.

“What’s going on?” A third voice this time. Older. Still muffled.

Will cried quietly, everything was hurting now. The muffled voices were too loud, yet he couldn’t understand them.

“I—I think he—“ The voice in front of him broke off into a sob, “oh gods please.”

He recognized the prayer to his father. A whispered rhyme that the children of Apollo sang to the injured.

Will mumbled something, unaware what it was or if it was understandable.

He couldn’t recall anything after that. 

The next time he understood what was happening, he opened his eyes to sunlight washing in front the curtains. There was a gap in his memory. 

Looking around he realized he was laying in one of the infirmary cots. The infirmary was completely empty.

He let out a slow breath and pushed himself up to a sitting position. When he put pressure on his arm he winced at the stinging that rippled upward.

The campers running around outside were blocked by the walls of the infirmary, but Will could see them going about his day. There were no lights on but the window gave enough.

Will looked down at his arms to notice they were wrapped in bandages up to his elbows. There wasn’t much blood on them.

He didn’t understand how long he’d been out for.

Will looked up as the door to the infirmary clicked and opened. Kayla walked in, scuffing her feet on the ground. When she spotted him her eyes filled with tears. She covered her mouth with one hand.

“Will oh my gods!” she sobbed, making it to his bedside in a few strides.

“You scared me so bad! I thought I was going to lose another brother!” Kayla took his hand, she was trembling.

“What—“ Will licked his lips, his mouth was dry, “what… happened?”

Kayla wiped some of her tears, “I came into the infirmary to get you for dinner… you were…” she sobbed again, “you were sitting against the wall bleeding… you wouldn’t respond or acknowledge anyone!”

Will tried to blink the grogginess away, waiting for his mind to catch up with everything that was going on.

“I don’t—“ he furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes trailing down to his arms, “what?”

“You were just sitting there Will,” Kayla squeezed his hand, “you scared me so badly.”

“Sorry…” 

“What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t?” Will wracked his brain trying to remember everything that happened. Only bits and pieces came up. But they were hazy.

“I was… I didn’t feel anything… I wanted,” Will said slowly, trying to collect his own thoughts, “I was trying to feel something?”

Kayla pursed her lips, “please don’t do that again.”

“I don’t remember doing it…” Will brushed his fingers over the bandages. 

“You wouldn’t react to anything…” Kayla took a deep breath and wiped away the last of her tears, “I’m going to check your bandages now.”

Will nodded and mumbled an “ok”.

Will wasn’t prepared to see his own cuts. When the bandages were peeled away he barely looked at the violent red marks before squeezing his eyes shut and looking away.

“I’m sorry,” Will whispered, his voice cracking. Kayla hesitated.

“It’s okay,” she responded, “I mean… it’s not okay but you don’t need to be sorry. Eat some ambrosia.”

Kayla broke off a small piece and Will nibbled on it quietly while Kayla disinfected the cuts one more time. Will didn’t even have the energy to wince at the stinging. 

They were mostly healed by now and the ambrosia helped. Kayla didn’t put any more bandages on it.

The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes. Will stared down at his lap.

“Chiron needs to talk to you now that you’re awake,” Kayla finally said.

“I figured…” Will responded.

“I really thought you were going to die, Will,” Kayla said, “I was so scared. I don’t know what I’d do if you were gone.”

“I didn’t mean for it,” Will closed his eyes for a second, “I wasn’t trying to… you know…”

“I know.”

There was another tense silence. 

Tears rolled down Will’s cheeks.

“I don’t think I’m okay,” he whimpered.

“You’re not.”

“I felt nothing,” Will sobbed, “I was so desperate to feel something… I—I could have…”

“But you’re here now,” Kayla wiped the tears from his cheeks, “you’re still breathing, and you’re healing and we’ve all got problems and you’ll get through it, we’ll make it.” 

Will nodded.

“Did you… Nico… does he?” Will swallowed hard, his heart hammered in his chest.

“He knows.”

“How is he?” Will picked at the edge of the sheet.

“He slept in our cabin for the nights that you were out,” Kayla rested her hand over his, rubbing Will’s knuckles gently.

“How long was I—“

“Two nights.”

“Gods…”

“Hey, Kayla. It’s time for breakfast now—“ Austin stopped in his tracks in the doorway. He stared at Will for a long time.

“Why didn’t you tell me he was awake?” Austin cried out, his voice three octaves higher than normal. 

Austin cried as well. He consistently switched between relief, anger and happiness while he was talking.

After another hour or so, Will was permitted to get up. He changed into his own clothes compared to one of the night gowns.

Then, with close supervision from Austin, went to find his boyfriend.

Nico was in the middle of a conversation with Jason when he spotted Will across the dining pavilion. He froze in his spot, Jason noticed and asked what was wrong.

Without saying anything Nico jumped to his feet and ran over to Will. Nico crushed him in a hug, burying his face in Will’s chest.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Nico hissed, his voice cracking.

Will rested his chin on top of Nico’s head and hugged back as tight as he could without irritating his cuts.

“I’m sorry,” Will whispered, “I didn’t mean to do anything serious.”

Nico let out a slow breath. Will tried to ignore everyone else at the pavilion but he could feel the other campers stares. No doubt the word had already gotten around about what he had done.

“Will,” a gentle hand was placed on Will’s shoulder. Will turned around to see Chiron, a soft but worried expression on his face.

“I’m sorry,” Will whispered, pulling away from Nico but he intertwined their fingers together.

“You have no need to be sorry, child,” Chiron said, “but I feel that we should talk.”

Will nodded.

Chiron led him out of the pavilion, Nico trailed behind but when they got to the big house, he waited on the porch.

Chiron sat Will down on one of the couches. Chiron spoke and Will listened, then the reverse happened. Will cried. Chiron offered his support.

They talked for a long while, Will avoided looking at his arms.

“Things like this are normal in demigods,” Chiron spoke softly, “I understand the way that you have felt.”

Will nodded.

“I will try not to do it again,” Will explained, rubbing his fingers.

“If you’d ever need a place to talk, my door is open. Demigods come in all the time to talk,” Chiron explained.

“Okay, thank you Chiron.”

“Of course.”

Chiron gave Will a hug before he left. Will appreciated it.

Nico was still sitting on the porch where he had been. He gripped Will’s hand.

“You weren’t very close to death but… I was very worried…” Nico admitted.

“I didn’t want to worry you,” Will presses a small kiss to Nico’s forehead.

Nico sighed through his nose.

“I’m tired,” Will whispered.

“We can go to my cabin.”

Will nodded again.

Nico led the way.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I do not mean to offend anyone with this fic and if I do I sincerely apologize to you. I do not have experience with cutting or depression. I wrote this fic to give me something to do because I wasn’t feeling well. If you’re suffering from depression or self harm or anything else, please seek out some help, know that I love you and hope that your pain eases soon. Thank you for reading. <3


End file.
